You Were Never Too Much

There’s a version of me sitting in a classroom somewhere in the 80s, wondering why everything feels so much harder than it should.

This song is for that child.

Background:

I didn’t expect a diagnosis to make me grieve.
When I was diagnosed with AuDHD (Autism + Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) late in life, so many things suddenly made sense. The overwhelm. The shutdowns. The racing thoughts. The exhaustion from trying to keep up. The feeling that I was somehow always “too much” or “not enough” at the same time.

Understanding brought relief.
But it also brought sadness.

Because once I had the language for it, I couldn’t stop thinking about the child I used to be.

The kid who tried so hard.
The kid who internalised every “why can’t you just…”
The kid who thought struggling meant failing.
The kid who carried shame that didn’t belong to them.
For years, I believed I was broken in ways I couldn’t explain. Now I know I was neurodivergent in a world that didn’t understand what that meant. Especially back then.

This song is me reaching back through time.

It’s me sitting beside that younger version of myself and saying:

You were never lazy.
You were never dramatic.
You were never too much.
You were more than enough.
You were surviving something no one had named yet.

Writing this became a way of reconciling the present with the past. Of letting myself feel the grief for what I lost, the support I didn’t have, and the understanding that never came, whilst also honouring the resilience that carried me through anyway.

Late diagnoses can be life changing. They can bring clarity and self-compassion. But they can also reopen old wounds. If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone. There is nothing weak about mourning the years you spent misunderstanding yourself.

This song is for anyone who found out later in life that their brain works differently.

It’s for the adults learning to be kinder to themselves.
It’s for the kids we used to be.
And it’s for the hope that understanding (even if it comes late) can still set us free.

If you’ve ever had a late diagnosis that changed the way you see your whole life, or are still making peace with your past, I hope this finds you. 💛

You'll survive.
You always did.